Perhaps...
"Perhaps love is like a resting place...a shelter from the storm"
These are words to a beautiful song I know. They make one search their mind to see what love is to them. Several times I 'thought' I was in love. I gave my heart away and had it broken into a thousand little pieces. God allowed me to learn so many lessons through my relationships.
When we have children with a mate, we are bound to that person for the rest of our lives. This is even if they move away and we never hear from them again. They are still our children's mother or father. I learned this several decades ago. Even though my daughter's father is no longer in our lives, there are times when he still has an impact on our lives. He stands as a reminder of how much we have grown and how different people can be. He is also a reminder to me that I have gone from being a victim of abuse to a strong independent woman. And I thought I loved this man.
After I cleansed my life of this man, I was in a position of being a single mom. I had two small children and so many dreams for my future. Another man came into my life and I put my dreams on a shelf somewhere and forgot about them for such a long time. He didn't ask me to...I just did. I gave all of me to this man and he accepted it. Every breath I took, I took for him. He consumed my world. I was still a victim by my own makings. I gave away my independence I had only earned. I was still so unsure of myself that I tried to please this man whatever way I could. In doing so, I almost lost myself...by my own hand. As God would have it, this man left my life on his own accord, only after offering me several life lessons on self respect, self worth and self trust. Today I can see the results of these lessons. And I thought I loved this man.
Then came another chapter of my life. Another man who made me look at life differently, from more of a worldly point of view. With this relationship I made a major career change and living arrangements. This was the beginning of my true independence. Independence is more than just living on your own or being financially secure. Independence is 'owning' your own life, your own actions, your own dreams and desires. These dreams and desires started to come to life and our lives started to drift apart. This was no ones fault. It was simply growth, but in different directions. I live in such a different world than he does, and because of this, there have been lessons with this man also. Lessons to reinforce the acknowledgements of my own abilities, my strengths and weaknesses. And I thought I loved this man.
Through the years there has been another who was different. He was giving and sharing. He opened up new worlds for me. He encouraged new sight from my eyes. He helped me heal so many old wounds. He helped me to be daring enough to live my dreams. He helped me grow into who I am. As much as he gave to me, I hope I helped him to see so many things about himself that seemed to be shadowed in darkness. I was always in awe of the beauty of his soul. When someone would ask me about him...'what was he like' I would answer with "his soul is so beautiful that he could light up New York City all by himself". His inner vision was incredible. He could see so far beyond me. He was an Empath and to sit and talk with him was awesome. At times, he knew what I was feeling before I could figure it out. This relationship was of give and take. It was based on truth, trust, compassion and equality. As God would have it, this man was taken from my life. So many life lessons learned there. He has made a lasting impression on me for all eternity.
This is where I stopped 'thinking' that I loved any man. To love someone is not to give yourself away or to do anything to please them. It is to be who you were born to be and to share that openly and completely with another. My heart does know what love is and what it isn't. Love is when you trust enough to share yourself on a soul level ... to go beyond the physical and truly trust. It is here that we not only find love but we find ourselves as well. For here we are not concentrating on the 'other' exclusively. Here we are simply loving through living our lives, our dreams, and through living authentically. We have found the courage to trust ourselves...to know that we are enough.
When I was with my daughter's father I felt as if my life was consumed by one storm after the other. The storms were more than devastating. They were debilitating. He emptied my life of anything that would support my soul. My soul knew that there was a better life out there for me. Yet I lived in fear and allowed that fear to consume me at times. It was easier to simply stay and "try to weather the storm" than to go into unknown waters where only my soul had been. Over the years I realized that I had been weathering the storms as if they belonged to someone else. It was as if I was simply an observer of my own life, without 'owning' my own life. It took more than courage to leave these storms behind. It took a giant leap of faith. It also took me a very long time to make that leap. Now, I feel that I am 'seeing' what is truly around me. No storms, no fear...just clear sight.
I don't feel as if I have wasted time with all of the lessons I have survived. They have put me in a position to understand others better. So from the darkness I have been gifted such wonderful insight. Insight that hopefully, someday, will enable me to help alleviate someone else's storm. When their heart is telling them one thing and their head is trying to counter those feelings, I can honestly say "I understand".
So perhaps love is something different for each of us. But to me, it is on a soul level that we will find the most satisfying love, that will enable us to grow, heal and share our Light with all those we meet. It is here...that I found my wings. It is here...that I was encouraged to spread them and learn how to fly. It is here...that my heart took flight. It is here...that miracles started happening in my life. It is here...that a deep sense of gratitude began to grow within me. And it is here that I desire to give back to the world for all the blessings that have been bestowed upon me.
Perhaps if you look at this song, you will find that spark of love inside of you that just makes you want to spread your wings and shine for all of humanity to see just how blessed you are and just how blessed the rest of the world is for you being a part of it. Perhaps love is the stuff that miracles are made out of.
Thank you for allowing me to share my life with you.
Many Hugs
Dawn Ellen
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