For the past 2 weeks I have been attempting to bring Light to the subject of Domestic Violence. There are so many faces to this debilitating dis-ease.
The very worst case scenario is Death...actual physical death caused by the abuser. This is when society fails the victim. When the laws do not work and all is taken way too lightly and dismissed to the end result of death. The other faces? Violence itself...the broken bones, bruised body parts, the drawn blood from simply saying the wrong thing at the wrong time....there is no end to the physical possibilities of Domestic Violence. Whether it be a simple back hand for 'getting out of line' in their minds or a hospital visit with a cast afterward and the knowing looks of the nurses and doctors with that all to familiar excuse that goes along with it "it was just an accident. He didn't mean it"....each is the cause of a deep wound. And please do remember that there are way too many cases when that "He" is also a "She". Please do not forget that men feel just as deeply as women. All hearts are sacred. All souls are precious. All lives deserve to live fully...being free. Take out the factor of the violent abuser and there are still many faces left. You have the silent abuser...the ones who shreds the life out of you. They make it look as if they are so innocent and you are so wrong .... no matter what. There are no visible scars, yet it can all be seen in the eyes. If you look deep enough into a victim of this type of abuse you can look for miles in their eyes and find "almost" nothing. They have managed to find the key to survival by not engaging in the 'banter'...that 'innocent banter' that is put out there to them day in and day out. The put downs, the insults, the stripping of their soul. All those gentle little stab wounds add up. Given time and expert cultivation you will see a healthy soul deteriorate into a soul who is lost and wandering....one who has no self worth because it was stripped out of them. These wounds may not be visible....yet they hurt just as bad, sometimes dig deeper than an occasional physical wound and take much longer to heal. Mellow it out a little more and you have something that is almost acceptable in today's society....pure neglect. Why would anyone think that 'neglect' is part ofDomestic Violence ? Most people wouldn't. However, anytime love is withheld from another soul it is a very mild case of abuse compared to the rest of it. Yet is it really mild? It can do just as much damage as all the other faces...given enough time. Relationships of any type....parent - child, husband - wife, etc....should all be based on a foundation that is comprised of Trust, Truth, Compassion, Love and acceptance of who the other person is as they are right that very second with the understanding that they will grow and they will change over the years. The key is to grow together and share in the changes. To celebrate life and to encourage the partner to spread their wings and fly. It is not to ignore or neglect the partner and very subtly hold them back from becoming who they were born to be. This is a form of a very slow painful death...one that is very seldom detected in today's world. All of you have had enormous patience with me. There is a little more that I still need to cover as an after affect from all of this. Please bare with me over the next week or two in order for me to reach those hearts, those souls who are hurting so deeply. I understand their pain. All I wish for is to have them know that they are not alone and that there is Hope. Please be gentle with your own souls. Reach out to others as if you were tending a garden...gently, compassionately and lovingly. And as you do...please know that my hand is offered to you in love as well. Many Hugs Dawn |
 "Even if no one else ever loves you ... your Grandmother and I do". Those words dug deep into the heart and never left. Even kind spoken words can turn into a death sentence, for what that 7 year old girl heard was she was 'unlovable'. That is not what that mother meant. The words were spoken out of desperation for a mother facing death and wanting her daughter to know how deeply she was loved. I am that daughter. Only last week did I realize how deep that wound went and how much damage it had caused in my life. My mother meant no harm. Yet her words pierced my heart. It is not enough to survive the abuse. We must truly heal from the abuse...all abuse. It is my intention this week to share with you the stages of life I have gone through. Where at one point I had been the Victim of so much abuse I finally opened my eyes and committed myself to 'Living'. This was my first step towards becoming a Survivor. Once there I committed myself to 'seeing' the abuse come toward me before it had a chance to touch me. My goal was not to be touched by any form of abuse ever again. I still consciously live in a state of awareness. Then I walked forward into the life I have today. At this point I am a Warrior. But this week past showed me that even Warriors carry scars with them over the years. We never stop healing. It is not enough to simply walk away from any form of abuse. I removed myself from the actual domestic violence that I had lived in, yet I took the wounds with me. Yes it takes a great deal of courage to walk away from the abuse, from the abuser and from a way of life that too many of us get used to. It takes even more courage to look deep inside and see the wounds that have been left behind. More courage still to heal those wounds one by one. The very first step to truly putting those wounds behind us is self-respect and self-love. There is a long road that follows those first initial steps, but the first steps are the most vital. No matter how pretty we are on the outside or how beautiful our souls are on the inside, in order to bring our Body, Mind and Spirit into balance we must heal our old wounds. The body will heal the fastest. The spirit, or soul, will take longer to heal but it will heal given time, patience and love. It is the mind that is most difficult to heal. Our minds...our egos have a life of their own. They hold onto the 'hurt'. They rationalize why we 'need' to stay victims. They hang onto what is familiar. Yet it is this very way of living that keeps us as a prisoner of our own doings. How long it had been after leaving a violent husband did I finally give myself permission to start living again. Not just going through the motions but truly living from the heart. Entirely too long! I know no other way.... Old wounds...ugly wounds how tightly I hang onto you for if I were to let go my grasp, I'd know not what to do. You have become a part of me a part that all the world can see. Who am I if not my past? Surely I'd be destroyed at last. Yet if I give up this life, what kind of future would I cast? How can one simply walk away and live to talk about it another day? How can they ignore who they are, entering a safe life where they might stay? A prisoner I've been for so very long now is the time to move forward and be strong. I've seen the change through out the years I'm tired God, please heal these wounds for I'm empty...there are no more tears. So now I look upon my life and see someone new within my eyes. I see a woman so full of life...so sure...so ready to fully come alive. Why did I wait all those years? I've lost so much because of fear. Yet nothing was lost for lessons were gained and now my sight is crystal clear. No one will walk upon this soul again. For today...this moment I declare the end. Abuse has no place within my life I denounce it now along with all of its' strife! created by Dawn Ellen Kiss copyright July 2010 I offer you my hand one more time this week. Please find your strength...please find your purpose and step from Victim to Survivor with me. I have been a survivor for 28 years this month. I will willingly take that first step again with you this day in honor of the courage it takes to get past the fear, the pain, the dehumanization that comes with such abuse. Pull from my strength, from my love and allow us to heal together. 48 years is too long to hold onto any wound. As of this moment I stand with you and I "choose to Live". Commit your Living to yourself...for you are a precious soul and I believe in you. Many Hugs Dawn |
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